I started this blog and the first post in this series with the following quote from Viktor Frankl:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Frankl’s quote captures the foundational tenet of mindset work: we can choose our thoughts, and in doing so we have the power to accomplish anything.
Part 1 of the series focused on the brain’s role in stimuli and responses. Part 2 explored “the space” and how to create it. Finally, Part 3 (this post) will examine how to exploit that space to achieve our greatest results.
On to Part 3…
The Transformation
Last week in Part 2 we learned how to halt the primitive brain response to a stimulus and create a pause (“the space”) via self-reflection. We saw that creating space requires intentionality and compassion. In this post, we will conclude the example started in the last post by showing mindset work and its resultant transformation in action using Frankl’s idea of “the space.”
Just A Friendly Reminder
As you recall, I shared an example of how I created space by pausing on my thoughts related to starting this website/blog. Those thoughts were:
- I don’t have anything valuable to contribute online
- I don’t want to put myself out there
- Who am I to put something out there?
- It’s going to be too hard
- What if one of my patients finds this?
- Will my friends think I’ve sold out in some way?
I allowed myself to notice these thoughts and the negative feelings they created. Feelings like fear, shame, and discouragement, among others. These feelings caused me to drag my feet and spend my limited time doubting myself rather than forging ahead. And that action, or inaction, rather, only served to delay me, resulting in wasted time.
Curiosity Saved The Cat
When reflecting on your thoughts, you must do so with curiosity. When you uncover negative thoughts, you ponder why your brain offered you such thoughts. You’d be surprised at how many of your thoughts are negative! Don’t criticize or demean yourself for thinking these thoughts.
Instead, show yourself compassion within the space you create. I could only avoid judging my thoughts after learning it was completely normal and human to think these thoughts. After all, it’s ingrained in our biology (have you been paying attention, young grasshoppa)!
Side note: I will be running a post on self-compassion with this work next week.
Strings Attached? Cut Them!
The reason the negative thoughts hindered my progress is because I believed them. In my mind they were facts. Undeniable facts about me as a person. I am an impostor or a sell-out!
But the truth is thoughts are not facts. They are sentences our brains make up about facts. The only fact driving these thoughts was, “I am starting a website.” When you pare it all down to the simple circumstance without the emotional strings attached it is far less daunting.
I Just Can't Get You Outta My Head
Is it wrong to think the old thoughts? Not at all. It’s completely normal. Again, the goal is to find and believe thoughts that help you achieve your results, not eliminate all negative thoughts and feelings. This isn’t Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World and I’m not trying to feed you Soma. Or am I….
As long as you recognize thoughts as thoughts and not facts about you (e.g. I’m an imposter, a sell-out, etc.), you can think these problematic thoughts. You just more often think, and thus believe, other, more productive thoughts.
In an attempt to keep me from putting myself out there and disrupting the comfort of my status quo, my primitive brain offered me thoughts that seemed like facts. It wasn’t until I was able to identify them simply as thoughts and not facts that I could continue the work.
Pass Go and Collect Whatever You Want
Recognizing that I needed to choose thoughts that better served me, I determined what results I wanted, what actions would lead to those results, what feelings would drive those actions, and finally what thoughts would create those feelings. I was able to replace the old thoughts about blogging with:
- My content is valuable because it can help others
- I am doing myself and others a disservice by not putting myself out there
- I’m the right person to put content out there because it’s needed
- I’ve done way harder things (e.g. med school, residency, parenting, the Kessel Run in <12 parsecs); I’ll figure this out
- Maybe my patients will respect me more for trying to help the profession
- Probably, but I never liked them anyway. Kidding. The real thought: Some of my friends will support me, and some won’t. I know I’m doing this to provide value.
Then I had to repeat these thoughts over and over to come to believe them. I had created the space that afforded me the ability to choose new thoughts. But it was only with practice that I could cement in these new thoughts.
So how do you practice new thoughts?
Who Let Pavlov's Dogs Out?
I practiced my new thoughts by pairing other day-to-day, specific stimuli with predetermined responses. In other words: I used cues. For example, I wrote the new thoughts on post-it notes and placed them around my computer monitor. I also set a mental reminder that every time I refilled my glass of water, I would think whatever new thought I was working on that week.
There are countless ways to condition yourself into your new thoughts.
This repetition rewired those ingrained neural pathways making more helpful thoughts the easier, default choice.
My new thoughts created feelings of curiosity, calm, and courage. These feelings were motivating, and instead of causing me to drag my feet, they were pushing me towards action.
And what were my results? Well, you’re looking at it. I am showing up and putting out content consistently (double for those who subscribe and receive my Weekly Updates as well)!
Another example may help.
Hello → (Scrunches Brain) → Hola
In a gap between med school and public health school, I spent two months in Lima, Peru, learning Spanish and doing a rotation at a local hospital, which was all in Spanish.
I was and still am not fluent in Spanish, but I noticed one thing slowed me down considerably: I would think what I wanted to say in English (my default mode), then wrestle with translating it in my mind, and finally verbalize my poor attempt in Spanish.
It was painful for me and I’m sure anyone with whom I was trying to communicate. The mental gymnastics looked something like this:
So, I forced myself to try thinking in Spanish in order to cut out some of those time-consuming steps. And you know what?
It failed, miserably. Up until my last week, that is. I had finally conditioned my neural pathways into thinking in Spanish and my communication improved considerably!
Now I should confess that this was short-lived—after I returned to the US my Spanish use fell off a cliff. But the point was I proved to myself that I could believe something to make it happen.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had achieved a transformation through deliberate mindset work. That is how I know this works.
Never in a million years would I have ever guessed I would have a coaching business let alone a blog!
I Think, Therefore I Am...Awesome!
In the examples above, I hope I demonstrated that after creating the space by witnessing and processing my thoughts, I could purposefully choose new thoughts that led to incredible results and growth. None of this is possible without your friendly neighborhood prefrontal cortex taking the driver’s seat to control your brain and your responses to stimuli.
This concludes this 3rd and final post in the series examining Frankl’s concept of “the space.” If you somehow missed the first two posts, you can find them here: Part 1 & Part 2.
If I have piqued your interest with the mindset work involved with coaching and you want to see how this could apply to your life, then take the next step and choose the red pill! Click below!
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