In this post, I will show you how important stories are to us. This applies to both history as well as the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.
Unfortunately, the stories we craft about ourselves often hold us back. There are usually some facts underlying a story and if we can remove the fluff (story) surrounding those facts, then we have a blank slate around which to construct a new, empowering narrative.
Historiograph—What!?
As a history major in undergrad, one of my favorite subjects was historiography, or the study of how history is and was recorded. Why?
Because we take for granted that what we are taught and what is printed in our history books is simply a chronologic retelling of past events. I’m not here to offer conspiracy theories or alternate histories. That’s what movies are for, like 2012’s Iron Sky about the Nazis fleeing to the moon after their 1945 defeat only to later launch a space fleet to take over the world.
However, it is important to see the wisdom in the quote made famous by Winston Churchill: “History is written by the victors.” A history selects specific events that transpired and weaves them together with an interpretive context overlaid. Events not considered important (or possibly even detrimental) to the history are excluded. This is not necessarily done out of malice, shame, etc., but often for simplification.
Winston Churchill on the original iPhone.
Histories (and stories) thus represent biased takes on facts, which are often useful in some way (e.g. to achieve an end). However, as I’ll discuss below, stories can hinder our self-development.
Very Superstitious, Writing's on the Wall
When I was a child, I was very superstitious, especially around my morning routine. I was convinced that there was a correct order for getting ready in the morning that would determine how my day was going to go.
I’m not kidding. I would alter the order in which I flossed, brushed my teeth, bathed, and dressed—with the most emphasis on the order in which I dressed. (I obviously always bathed before getting dressed, give me some credit). Heaven forbid I put the wrong sock on first!
The next morning, I would take stock of how the prior day went. If it was a good day, I’d try to recreate the order of things. If it was a bad day, I’d change it up. If it was a meh day, then I’d try to mostly recreate the order of events but change one small thing.
I mentally kept track of all these little details and possible permutations and their outcomes. It was frankly exhausting. But now that I’ve perfected the order in which to get ready, it was all worth it.
I’m messing with you. It was a colossal waste of time.
Don’t worry. I’m well-adjusted now. Isn’t that right, mom?
(He's Not)
Anyway, the point of that story was to demonstrate how superstition can actually lead to better record keeping.
The Chronic-what?-cles of History
Historically, we know that superstitious traditions were much better at chronicling events.
Please note that I do not use the term “superstitious” in a derogatory manner to imply irrationality, ignorance, or a reliance on magic or the supernatural. Instead, I use a definition for which “superstitious” means the desire to resolve uncertainty by looking for patterns of causation. (Hint: it’s actually a fairly scientific process…).
Chronicling means documenting facts and events in chronologic order giving equal weight to all events. Members of such traditions did not know which events held more significance and thus strove to document them all. They then went back and searched for patterns to explain other phenomena.
The Jury Is Still Drought
For example, if a drought occurred this year, superstitious traditions would look back at their records to see every previous year a drought occurred and then look to see what intervening events occurred and if any parallels could be drawn between each drought—non-drought cycle.
This process was iterative with every new occurrence of an event of interest spurring a review and recalibration of the predictive model.
Ever notice how impressively early cultures figured out cosmic occurrences and calendars!?
This is how. Now they may go on to impart interpretation after the fact, like the drought is punishment from a deity for doing “x.” But chronicling is a “cleaner” form of documentation. It’s as close to the facts as we can get, before our brains fill in the gaps.
Mind the Gap
And our brains love to fill in gaps. It’s something they’re very good at. Like, if there’s a gap, it will be filled!
If you take a paragraph of text and remove or simply change certain letters, we can still read and comprehend at our normal clip because our brains are so good at filling in the correct letters subconsciously.
Y0UR M1ND 15 R34D1NG 7H15 4U70M471C4LLY W17H0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17.
Our brains similarly do this on a meta scale with facts. Brains love to construct stories around facts to help contextualize and give significance to those facts. And we use these stories constantly in our interactions with each other.
This is useful for myriad reasons not the least of which are for cementing memories, teaching societal norms, and passing down cultural traditions.
Stories Can Hold Us Back
However, it is these same stories, or at least the ingrained mechanisms by which we generate and propagate them, that can hold us back and prevent us from achieving our goals.
The narratives we add to facts become so inseparable from the facts themselves that it obscures the central tenet of mindset work (oft repeated on this blog) from us: that our feelings come from our thoughts (the story) about circumstances and not from the circumstances themselves.
In my morning routine example above, I created the story that the order in which I got ready determined how my day went. That story consisted of a set of thoughts about getting ready (the circumstance), which in turn created an anxiety that had me taking the action of revising the routine.
Reflecting back, I can only chuckle at how ridiculous I was for giving up all of my control about how my day went to a morning routine. Talk about a recipe for disappointment! Clearly it all hinged on what cereal I ate that morning. Duh.
Separate the Wheat From the Chaff in Our Brains
As coaches we help clients separate fact from story. The facts, also known as circumstances, are neutral, verifiable events about which everyone would agree.
Perhaps you think to yourself, “Work is awful.” Your mind states it like a fact of the world, but it is actually your thought about your work. If you were to list out the facts surrounding your work it might look like this:
- I am a <type of physician>
- I see/do <number of patients or cases> per day
- COVID-19 is currently surging
- It takes longer to see/treat a patient due to safety precautions and logistics around COVID-19 (this is verifiable)
You may construct a story around those facts that work is awful because you’re getting stuck at work later than typical, but someone else could construct a different story. Someone else may think, “Work is so gratifying—I am able to treat and alleviate suffering during the worst pandemic in modern history!”
You may be shaking your head at that example (who is this Polly Anna!?), but I chose it intentionally because COVID hits so close to home for all of us.
The point is that a story is the context we add to facts that give them meaning to us. Essentially, it is our bias about the facts. And it can be very hard to separate the two.
This is one area where coaching can help tremendously. Coaches provide neutral, outside perspectives on areas clients are too close to or enmeshed within to see clearly themselves. It is much easier to identify patterns in one’s life from the outside looking in.
Arguably, the most important aspect of mindset work is being able to distill facts from the stories we create around them. It is only after we unwind these stories that we can find and understand the why behind the stories. From there we can examine our thought patterns and begin the steps necessary for transformation.
Write Your Own Story!
Think about the stories you tell yourself about yourself (or others). Try to separate out the facts from the fiction you created around them. Question any beliefs you have about yourself.
Are you bad at directions, or do you just create that reality for yourself because you’ve convinced yourself of it?
This and other limiting beliefs are often so ingrained in our narratives that we take them for granted. Now’s the time to challenge these narratives if they are holding you back. Efforts put in at the cognitive and emotional levels result in change at the behavioral level.
You get to create your own narrative—you have power over your thoughts and thus the ability to control how you feel and show up in the world.
Like the quote I referenced at the beginning: you get to be the victor that writes your own history, but you can do it in real-time.
So why not choose to be a bad ass?
I hope this post demonstrated how we as humans love stories and create them at every turn, sometimes to our detriment. However, we can learn to rewrite our stories into narratives that enable us to accomplish whatever we set our minds to.
If you feel you need help with this, then reach out and book a free consult call.
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